A woman is at home when she hears
someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question, 'Do you have avagina?'
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice
'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'
The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door.
The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to
hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to
answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is
going with it.'
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have vagina'?
'Yes, actually I have,' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's own alone and start using
yours?'
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Smart Wife
A man called home to his wife and said,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in
Canada with my boss & several of his
Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a
good opportunity for me to get that
Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you
please pack enough Clothes for a week and
set out my rod and fishing box, we're
Leaving From the office & I will swing by the
house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack
my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks
this sounds a bit fishy but being the good
wife she is, did exactly what her husband
asked.The following Weekend he came home
a little tired but otherwise looking good. The
wife welcomed him home and asked if he
caught many fish?He said, "Yes! Lots of
Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk
pajamas like I asked you to Do?" The wife
replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box."
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in
Canada with my boss & several of his
Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a
good opportunity for me to get that
Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you
please pack enough Clothes for a week and
set out my rod and fishing box, we're
Leaving From the office & I will swing by the
house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack
my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks
this sounds a bit fishy but being the good
wife she is, did exactly what her husband
asked.The following Weekend he came home
a little tired but otherwise looking good. The
wife welcomed him home and asked if he
caught many fish?He said, "Yes! Lots of
Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk
pajamas like I asked you to Do?" The wife
replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box."
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Painful Delivery
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over
and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to
let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be
connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the
father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed.
The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused itto amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for him to bear would he please let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and thedoctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home.
When they gat home, they found the milkman dead on the sofa.
The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused itto amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for him to bear would he please let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and thedoctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home.
When they gat home, they found the milkman dead on the sofa.
Charity?
A rich man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man
eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate..''why are you eating grass?' he asked the man '
' i don't have any money for food''
the poor man replied '
'oh please come to my house'' but sir i have a wife and 4children'' ''bring them along'' the rich man said.
They all got in to the limo, once underway, the poor fellow said ''sir you are too kind, thank you for taking all of us in'
' the rich man replied '' no,you don't understand, the grass at my house is over 3 meter tall, that's why am bringing u.
' i don't have any money for food''
the poor man replied '
'oh please come to my house'' but sir i have a wife and 4children'' ''bring them along'' the rich man said.
They all got in to the limo, once underway, the poor fellow said ''sir you are too kind, thank you for taking all of us in'
' the rich man replied '' no,you don't understand, the grass at my house is over 3 meter tall, that's why am bringing u.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Cheating Wife
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While enroute home he asks the cab driver if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. The cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, '"Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the car I gave you, HE paid for our holiday home, HE paid for your football clum season tickets, HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays for our mortgage."
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, "What would you do?" The cabby says, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."
The wife shouts, '"Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the car I gave you, HE paid for our holiday home, HE paid for your football clum season tickets, HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays for our mortgage."
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, "What would you do?" The cabby says, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."
Friday, June 1, 2012
Hand in marriage
Father-In-Law : Young man, U’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’re chewing gum.That’s a sign of disrespect!
Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.
Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?
Man : Sir I only drink & smoke when i go to the club.
Father-In-Law : U club too?
Man : I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when i came out of prison.
Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God!
Man: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody.
Father-In-Law : What!!! U’re a killer???
Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didn’t allow me to marry his daughter so i killed him.
Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right track. U’re absolutely the right man for my daughter.
Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.
Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage?
Man : Sir I only drink & smoke when i go to the club.
Father-In-Law : U club too?
Man : I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when i came out of prison.
Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God!
Man: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody.
Father-In-Law : What!!! U’re a killer???
Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didn’t allow me to marry his daughter so i killed him.
Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right track. U’re absolutely the right man for my daughter.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Grandpa and Grandson
Grand pa said to Grand son ”See your teacher is coming, go and hide because you missed school today.” Grand son replied, ” I took an excuse that you are dead so na you go go hide.”
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Parrot
A lady went to the store to buy a parrot and asks the sales person "What's so special about the parrot ?"
Sales person" this parrot can talk" So the lady asks the parrot " how do i look?" The parrot replies " you look like a fcuking Slut?"
The lady gets pissed off and tells the sales person that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it.
The sales person tells her to please wait for 2 mins.
The sales person takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket of water and when he pulls the parrot out he says "if you disrespect the lady out there I'll soak you in water again" and takes the parrot back outside.
The sales person asked the lady to ask the parrot another question.
Lady: "if i come home with 1 man what would you think?"
Parrot: "he's your husband"
Lady: "2 men"
Parrot "your husband and his brother"
Lady: "3 men"
Parrot: "your husband, his brother & your brother"Lady : "4 men"
Parrot: "bring the fcuking bucket of water, I already told you she's a slut!"
Sales person" this parrot can talk" So the lady asks the parrot " how do i look?" The parrot replies " you look like a fcuking Slut?"
The lady gets pissed off and tells the sales person that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it.
The sales person tells her to please wait for 2 mins.
The sales person takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket of water and when he pulls the parrot out he says "if you disrespect the lady out there I'll soak you in water again" and takes the parrot back outside.
The sales person asked the lady to ask the parrot another question.
Lady: "if i come home with 1 man what would you think?"
Parrot: "he's your husband"
Lady: "2 men"
Parrot "your husband and his brother"
Lady: "3 men"
Parrot: "your husband, his brother & your brother"Lady : "4 men"
Parrot: "bring the fcuking bucket of water, I already told you she's a slut!"
Friday, April 20, 2012
LOL
An ex-convict breaks into a house, ties up d husband & wife. He
jumps on d wife, kisses her ear then runs to the bathroom. Husband whispers
to wife "satisfy him or he'll kill us. I saw the way he kissed you, just be
strong.. I love you"
Wife replies, "he didn't kiss me. he whispered he is gay, he is looking for vaseline"
Wife replies, "he didn't kiss me. he whispered he is gay, he is looking for vaseline"
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Madam vs. Housemaid
Ada, a House Maid in VGC, Lagos asked for a pay increase. The Madam was
upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise of pay that
was requested.
She asked: 'Now Ada, why do you feel you deserve a pay increase?'
Ada: 'Well, ma'am, three reasons why I want the increase.' The first one, I dey iron better than you'!
Madam : Who said u iron better than me??'.
Ada:'Your husband say so! Madam: 'oh!
Ada: The second reason:...I can cook. better than u.'
Madam: 'Nonsense, who said u were a better cook than me??'.
Ada: Your husband again'. Madam: 'oh!
Ada: The third reason is that I am better in bed than u..... Madam: 'Really, (now furious & agitated): 'my husband said that as well??!!!!
Ada: 'No Madam , your husband best friend, Senator Andrew..... told me that I was better in bed than u.
Madam: ☺K. Ada baby!! How much you say u want again?
She asked: 'Now Ada, why do you feel you deserve a pay increase?'
Ada: 'Well, ma'am, three reasons why I want the increase.' The first one, I dey iron better than you'!
Madam : Who said u iron better than me??'.
Ada:'Your husband say so! Madam: 'oh!
Ada: The second reason:...I can cook. better than u.'
Madam: 'Nonsense, who said u were a better cook than me??'.
Ada: Your husband again'. Madam: 'oh!
Ada: The third reason is that I am better in bed than u..... Madam: 'Really, (now furious & agitated): 'my husband said that as well??!!!!
Ada: 'No Madam , your husband best friend, Senator Andrew..... told me that I was better in bed than u.
Madam: ☺K. Ada baby!! How much you say u want again?
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